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Ficlet: Not Yours (NC17 I think, not really a good judge)

gwynnega mentioned jedi_penguin's Multi-fandom bad!sex Challenge to write about characters having lousy sex.

'I can do that!' I thought.

So what could be worse than the Spike/Harmony Destiny Desktop Debarcle?

Not Yours - Bogwitch
(Season 5, AtS, Spike/Harmony.)

She’d really thought it’d be better this time.

She had been so excited at first. Her Spikey was back - and a bit bad, like he used to be. Pulling her down corridors and evicting some hapless Para-legal from his office just so they could get it on, was thrilling and she couldn’t help giggling with delight. And she didn’t care if he was a bit rough, when he had that lust sparkling in his gorgeous blue eyes and that sexy smile was focused on her, like it was in her daydreams. She never could resist those tingly feelings that turned her belly to goo every time she saw him. Even though she knew he was bad for the independent woman of the world she’d become.

But the excitement had soon worn off. Once alone, Spike ignored her. There would no meltingly good kisses this time. Soft skin she’d kept carefully maintained with expensive skincare would remain untouched, uncaressed, undiscovered under pink cotton. Both still clothed, she was denied the feel of his muscular chest against her breasts as much as he denied her his heart. Instead he’d fumbled with the buckle of his belt, pushing his jeans down over his slim hips - but only enough to free his erection - before hitching up her skirt and pushing her back onto the desk. There was a moment when his hand had slipped between her legs when she’d thought that maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. But it was not there to tease her gently to a fluttery orgasm, only to yank her panties aside. She tried to reach for him, to pull him into her arms, but he was too busy getting his aim right. With no foreplay, she wasn’t aroused enough as he shoved inside her and she squealed in discomfort. In and out. In and out. He felt uncomfortably big inside her, stretching and scraping sensitive flesh. For all his determination to feel solid again, to take back his unlife, he was unenthusiastic and despairingly eager to get this over and done with. Urgency replaced seduction, expediency replaced foreplay. Her cries were not all with pleasure.

Harmony clung to her Blondie Bear, as if clinging to his body like she’d always clung to his affections would make this any less awkward. But it didn’t. It was clumsy and uncomfortable, as his dry thrusts rubbed her sore she felt sandwiched between the ink blotter and his weight on top of her. Her back hurt from the rigid plane of the desk and the pen trapped beneath her shoulder, grinding against the bone as it rolled with their movements. His hips pushed his cock inside her with an erratic, off tempo rhythm as he struggled with his position, perched too close to the edge of the desk. He had trouble keeping his balance, as there was nowhere to put his knee. Spike, for all his faults, had always been an exceptional lover and she wondered what had happened to him, how all his skill and technique got traded for the fumbling mess he was making of this. Stupid soul.

He’s not yours, said a voice inside her and she didn’t recognise it as hers. It was accompanied by a pain that shot through her gut like bad chicken from a company barbeque. She tried to tell him to stop, let her go and be sick or whatever, but only managed to open her mouth before he stopped her.
“Don’t say anything.” His penis softened as his concentration wavered, slipping out as the tissues drained of blood and it was a relief. It was then that she knew he wasn’t thinking of her.

Not yours the voice whispered.

He shut his eyes; trying to recreate whatever illusion he needed to maintain his erection. It took a long moment, one where he avoided looking at her, but once he’d recaptured it, he stiffened again and he was back inside her. Quicker this time, pushing hard to a finish neither one of them could wait for.

She couldn’t know what he was thinking of, but she’d bet it was the Slayer. The whore. The boyfriend stealer. The tramp. The one she’d have ripped from her High School Yearbook if she'd been in the stupid thing. Never been yours. For all his pretty words and seductive looks, he’d always been mean to her. A twenty-first century woman vampiress shouldn’t have to accept being used again and again. It made her angry that she couldn’t help thinking about him, or hoping that one-day he’d really see her radiant smile and return it just for her. Couldn’t help aching for him. Couldn’t stop falling for him even as he was crinkling her favourite skirt by taking her on someone else’s desktop. He only ever wanted what was between her legs.

Not yours! The anger bubbled and burst, surging through her on a storm surge of resentment.
“Sp-Spike!” she tried to warn him, but she didn’t know why. She was scared something was happening to her - beside the lousy sex - something else that she couldn’t control.
“Ssh, don’t talk. Let’s not spoil the moment,” he replied.
Duh, like this moment wasn’t spoiled already by him being there.

He grit his teeth and his face pinkened with the effort of maintaining the pace he’d set, ignoring the fear in her voice and her shift into game face. Years of giving everything she had to him, wanting him, crying over him only to be rejected over and over, came gushing to the surface. Loving and hating him at the same time, Harmony would always be his substitute for the one he really wanted. Drusilla or Buffy or some other skanky ho, it didn’t matter to her anymore, because it would always be someone else. He’d rather give himself to women who didn’t want him - Freak.

Never Yours.

Itchy, irritated eyes pool with blood and red trailing tears roll down tracks on her cheeks. She didn’t know who or where she was anymore. The anger had consumed her ego, replacing it with the instinctual id. He’s the enemy, he’s the source of her pain, and he’s not hers and he never will be. Goodbye cheekbones and the melty velvet voice with that accent. She won’t be a convenience again.

She held him close for the last time and she took a bite.

My first proper smut. I'm so proud.

Thanks to automatedalice_ for betaing, and calove for encouragement.

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That was excellent! All dark and nasty and very in character to both of them. :)

Wow, you were quick. Thanks very much!

FB: Not Yours (Sparmony)

This is fantastic! Dark, dark, dark but very much true to the scene.

Re: FB: Not Yours (Sparmony)

Why thank you. I'm much more comfortable writing bad sex than good sex. Lord knows what that says about my sex life!

This is great. Dark and horrible and uncomfortable and real. Silly girl, but who can blame her really?

And this?

It was clumsy and uncomfortable, as his dry thrusts rubbed her sore she felt sandwiched between the ink blotter and his weight on top of her. Her back hurt from the rigid plane of the desk and the pen trapped beneath her shoulder, grinding against the bone as it rolled with their movements. His hips pushed his cock inside her with an erratic, off tempo rhythm as he struggled with his position, perched too close to the edge of the desk.

Ouch. Badsex!


Silly girl, but who can blame her really?


The Spike lust is so easy to understand.

Thank you very much. The last two weeks haven't been wasted!


Poor Harmony. Got to admire her for dogged optimism.

Bad Spike. Grrr.

I know how everybody missed the Sparmony from the WIP...

Poor Harm. Even if I find her annoying she deserves better. For Spike it was like comfort sex but without the comfort (I know I don't make sense, but I think the original scene didn't make either).

Anyway, you did an excellent job with Harmony inner self.


I think he went into it thinking it'd be comfort, but soon changed his mind. Harmony's inner self isn't too hard to figure out. :)

You should be proud. The Harmony voice feels just right and the fumbling, dark stupidity of it all is classic bad sex.


I think both participants realised that they'd rather be somewhere else pretty quickly.

That was most definately bad!sex but *not* bad!fic. Your first bit of proper smut you say? I think you've found your calling! Your Harmony POV was right on and loved, loved how you worked in the Destiny canon. Good stuff!

Thanks very much.

That was most definately bad!sex but *not* bad!fic.

Phew. I was a bit worried.

I have written smut before in original work, but it's clinical and emotionless (I need to work on that), which is prefect for this encounter. :D

Well done! Being a girl who's been on the receiving end of bad!sex in the (distant) past, I can honestly say you really captured the thoughts one goes through. Excellent work.

Haven't we all? ::sigh::

Thanks for your thoughts.

Excellent! You say it's your first NC17? hard to believe. You did a fine job.

Not exactly my first. I have written it before in original work, but this is the first time, barring drabbles, that I've shown it to the world.

That was really very good indeed (unlike the sex).

She held him close for the last time and she took a bite.

Quite right too! Do you know, that's the only time I've felt ashamed of Spike? You wrote it beautifully.

Thanks for sending me this. Never has a bus ride to the station been so enjoyable before!

Hee. Nothing like reading vampire smut in public!

Wow. They may have been very bad sex but what a great climb into Harmony's mind and indirectly Spike's. You made me feel terrible for both of them, so caught in the original moment and it turned out to be something they both wanted to desperately escape from.

Glad you liked it. I have a lot of sympathy for poor old Harmony.

Just now getting to this.

This is excellent! Dark, nasty, but in-character and not at all bashy to either of them. I'm delighted and proud to add this to the list. Thanks for allowing me to do so!

Why thank you very much. And thank you for the inspiration!

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