Ada - blue haired, smells of wee.
Aisha - laughs like a demented dog, likes tic tacs.
Alison - bra and pants are the same garment, looks better with the light off
Amanda - I.Q. tends to be smaller than bra size. Probably a good shag though.
Amy - Devious, likes being on top, never stays the night - Not to be trusted.
Andrea - Small breasts, drinks pints.
Angela - Vain, hairstyle more important than oxygen. Usually found hanging around toilets
Annabelle - Doesn't wear knickers.
Annette - She's BIG.
Anne - Looks like a horse, can't drive.
Barbara - Shags like a rabbit, not fussy about appearance.
Belinda - Pleasing on the eye, usually has a couple of good points.
Beryl - Repressed alcoholic
Beverley - Trapped in an eighties timewarp.
Bianca - Ginger.
Bridgette - Eats pizzas all day, smokes cigars.
Britney - Falsely improved, no use to society.
Camilla -replaces the word 'yes' with 'ya'.
Carina - Looks like the back of a bus, doesn't swallow
Caroline - Into threesomes. Likes doggy style. Always up for it.
Catherine - Attracted to the older man, needs ironing.
Claire - Perfect in every way and a complete sex goddess, shouldn't be left alone for too long.
Celine - Emits hideous noises, waste of DNA.
Charlotte - Enjoys tea and cake, farts the national anthem.
Cheryl - Can fit hand in mouth, eats glass.
Christine - Likes men in uniform, never warm.
Daisy - Virgin.
Danni - Should make nice threesome with sibling.
Davina - drug induced mental damage, should shave her neck.
Dawn - Gets up early, smells of chips.
Deborah - Bites the pillow, uses both hands.
DeeDee - cannot understand why no one else masturbates in Ikea.
Denise - Sits on cat's eyes, wears too much make up.
Diane - Enjoys company of animals. Deep as a puddle. Adds nothing to society.
Donna - 70's throw back, likes cabbage.
Doris - Purple haired, stinks of wee.
Elaine - Rides sidesaddle, drinks metho.
Elizabeth - Born to perform, hates chickens.
Ellie - Far too attractive for the swear words that come out of her mouth.
Emily - Wears odd socks, can have lesbian tendencies.
Emma - Gullible and easily swayed by a good looker!
Estelle - Likes wombles, eats grass.
Esther - Plump with sagging breasts, normally heavily tattooed.
Faith - Legs meet at knees, can't shag standing up.
Faye - Wears wellies, can't swim.
Felicity - She'll stab you with her nipples, plays darts
Fiona - Female mud wrestler, gives head.
Gail - Farts a lot, drinks Guinness.
Gayleen - Big tall woman who talks shite all day
Gaynor - Lesbian.
Geraldine - Too posh for her own good, likes flying.
Gillian - Dyes her hair green, likes clubbing.
Gina - Eternal mother, eats nappies
Glenda - Eats children, hates smoking.
Georgina - Wants to be a man.
Gwyneth - Blubs a lot, wees in the bath
Hannah - Needs to be naked at all times, eats kebabs
Heather - Shags like a freight train, a screamer.
Helen - Loves sleeping and alcohol and is work shy.
Heidi - The hills are alive with the sound of music, likes gherkins.
Hilary - Frigid.
Holly - Prickly to the touch, seasonal shagmeister.
Imogen - Drinks tequila from the bottle, wets the bed.
Ingrid - Right wing Nazi tendencies, never smiles.
Jackie - Heroin addict, sold her child
Janet - Massive over bite, no neck.
Jane - Babe, I'd drink her bath water.
Jasmin - Smells of sewers, eats the heads off rats.
Jemma - Does anal, wears too much eye make-up.
Jennifer - Huge breasts, should shave her legs more often.
Jessica - Virgin, always will be.
Joanne - Moans in her sleep, cant cook, moans when she wakes up!
Judith - Big eyes, big tits
Judy - Huge tits, married to an arse.
Julia - Innocent face, don't trust her, she'll steal your wallet in five minutes
Justine- Massive tits, likes hanging around men's toilets.
Julie - Jabba the Hutt's sister, constantly pregnant.
Karen - Huge tits, shags like a rabbit.
Katie - Big feet, shags men over 50
Kate - talks complete bollocks all the time, scavenger.
Kelly - smells of cheese, slobbers when kissing.
Kimberley - wants to be a bloke, drinks like a bloke, farts like a
bloke, and wears a wig.
Kirsty - Eats live moles, can't dance.
Kylie - Can't sing but who cares.
Lana - Hated by her parents, accidental pregnancy.
Lara - Action packed, never seen naked.
Laura - Likes Max power magazine, can't drive.
Lauren - Pert breasts, seldom ventures out at night.
Leah - Likes outdoor sex, wees standing up.
Lena - Eats food then throws up, rapidly shrinking.
Leslie - Likes bondage, hates men.
Linda - Teenage bride, can swallow oranges whole.
Lindsay - Likes doggy style, doesn't do housework.
Lisa - Will take all your money and run, gets turned on by porn.
Liz - Long legged and brainey.
Lorraine - Constantly whinges, will strip for a packet of jellybabies
Louise/a - Likes to get around, saggy tits.
Lucy - Strange dancer, wants to marry her dad.
Madeline - Drives like a bloke, likes tractors.
Maggie - Trainspotter, likes plaid.
Margaret - Lovely mother, very generous.
Maria - Bangs like a barn door.
Marie - Life's slapper. Likes men to do DIY.
Marina - No get up and go, rusty underwear.
Marilyn - Eats like a horse, out stays her welcome.
Martina - Ugly lesbian Martine - Can't act, can't sing, nice tits.
Matilda - Likes dancing, mainly the waltz.
Meg - Cheesy smell, should be spelt with an S
Melanie - Can hold two bar vacuum orally indefinitely.
Melissa - Eats dogs, been in prison 6 times for burglary.
Meryl - Dances like an ape, doesn't realise.
Michaela - Likes animals, should make a video with them.
Michelle - Wears white stilettos, dances round her handbag
Marsha - Big butt, small brain.
Monica - Doesn't swallow, should have.
Naomi - Wannabe diva, more of a diver.
Nancy - White hair, remembers manners.
Natalie - Eats with her mouth open, farts the Nokia phone tune.
Natasha - Had seven kids before age 17, needs ironing.
Nell - Hasn't realised WWII has ended, lives in Kent.
Nicola - Slapper, alcoholic in denial
Nina - Stuffs her bra with tissues, been single for years.
Olga - You can park a bike in her arsecrack, excessive facial hair.
Olivia - Neutron bomb ho ta
Pamela - Gives amazing head, made of plastic.
Pat - Butt ugly lesbian.
Paula - Transvestite merchant banker from Basildon.
Penelope - Pit stop queen, likes men to be stiff.
Phillippa - Forest forager, likes wild boar.
Priscilla - likes painting with oils, Duckhams mainly.
Rachel - Amazing gravity defying breasts, can grip a tenner in her
Rebecca - Hairy armpits, orgasms without contact.
Rosie - Can be prickly, good head giver.
Rula - She measures up well.
Sadie - Stand up if you're slim, please stand up.
Sally - Drives a Mustang, fights in pubs.
Samantha - Loves her brother, has four deformed children.
Sandra - Shags donkeys for fun, bow legged
Sarah - Hangs around with the wrong crowd, Kinky in bed, loves porn.
Selina - Doesn't wear pants, heavy laundry bills.
Sharon - Shags like a locomotive, yo-yo knickers.
Shirley - Can swallow a Curly Whirly whole, likes bananas.
Sian - Does mean sheep impression, hates mint sauce.
Simone - Used to be a shot putter from Cardiff.
Sonya - Dirty lady of the night. Often referred to as a carrier
Sophie - Brothel madam, wears a wrinkly corset.
Stacey - Likes cut off jeans and arseless Speedo's.
Steffi - Closet lesbian, maintains heterosexual relationship for effect.
Stephanie - Eats Muppets, wears Brogues.
Sue - totally gorgeous!!
Tanya - Hot minx, too short.
Tara - Upper class slapper, needs extra chemicals.
Tina - Face like a smacked arse, should eat less.
Tori - Lives in a hedge, can't water ski.
Tracy - Easily swayed by alcohol. Mostly seen without underwear. Loves kittens.
Tracey - Lesbian.
Ursula - Likes puppies, in curry.
Vicky- Likes Yoga and Men.
Wendy - Possibly a man.
Zoe - Talentless rock chick.