Well, I'm not sure if this would be of any interest, but st_salieri wrote a very entertaining ficlet mocking fanfic cliches (meaning no offense, you understand). Might cheer you up a bit? ::hugs::
“Ughhhh.” Wesley grimaced at the detailed illustration. He did not want to meet that creature in a dark alley without a full arsenal. Unfortunately, they’d discovered that it had been living in a dark alley near the waterfront. Seven feet high, with eight tentacles curling from its enormous body. Its beaked mouth looked as if it could snap several men in two with one bite. This one wasn’t going to go down easily. He’d have to acquisition at least four—
“Spike, what are you doing? I was reading that!”
Spike had slipped up behind him and snatched the book. He was staring at the illustration in awe.
“Where’d you find this?” Spike asked excitedly.
Wesley shrugged, “It's just a standard demonology. That creature has been terrorizing the waterfront for the last few weeks. Angel wants to take care of it as soon as possible.”
“I’ll do it.” Spike offered enthusiastically. Wesley could have sworn he saw him bounce for a second, like a child about to get a special treat.
“Spike, this creature will be difficult to defeat even if we take an entire squadron of our finest special ops personnel. I highly doubt that a lone vampire can bring it down.”
“No prob. Tell old broody breeches I’ll be back later. Much later.”
“Spike, wait!” Wesley tried to follow him but the vampire had already disappeared.
Bloody idiot. He was going to get himself dusted. Wesley returned to his book and turned the page. He saw another illustration of what appeared to be a breathtakingly beautiful woman, with the exception of the tentacles that slithered out from and around her sumptuous form. He read the caption aloud:
“The Bogtacle has been known to engage in sexual relations with other demons, most frequently vampires due to its attraction to the smell of human blood. When it becomes aroused it reverts to a humanlike form as illustrated above. Demons who survive the mating ritual describe the experience as immensely pleasurable and highly erotic.”
Wesley couldn’t help but smile. He hoped Spike knew what he was doing. Judging from his reaction he at least knew what might be in store for him. He put the book aside and reached for the pile of cases stacked on his desk. Try as he might to concentrate on work that evening, he spent most of his time trying to figure out just what those tentacles could do instead.
Whenever I get the mean reds, the only thing that does any good is to hop in a cab and go down to Tiffany's. There I stick a sock over my head, hold up the jewellery counter, trade in the booty for gin and olives, and proceed to have a regrettable evening. Highly recommended.
I'll send you much more abstruse smut for Ch6 later - but wish I could do more to help :(
bored out of my mind
Oh, no! What can I do? A drabble?
*sings, dances, and juggles at the same time*
never understood what exactly is entertaining about juggling.
My first tentacle fic
“Spike, what are you doing? I was reading that!”
Spike had slipped up behind him and snatched the book. He was staring at the illustration in awe.
“Where’d you find this?” Spike asked excitedly.
Wesley shrugged, “It's just a standard demonology. That creature has been terrorizing the waterfront for the last few weeks. Angel wants to take care of it as soon as possible.”
“I’ll do it.” Spike offered enthusiastically. Wesley could have sworn he saw him bounce for a second, like a child about to get a special treat.
“Spike, this creature will be difficult to defeat even if we take an entire squadron of our finest special ops personnel. I highly doubt that a lone vampire can bring it down.”
“No prob. Tell old broody breeches I’ll be back later. Much later.”
“Spike, wait!” Wesley tried to follow him but the vampire had already disappeared.
Bloody idiot. He was going to get himself dusted. Wesley returned to his book and turned the page. He saw another illustration of what appeared to be a breathtakingly beautiful woman, with the exception of the tentacles that slithered out from and around her sumptuous form. He read the caption aloud:
“The Bogtacle has been known to engage in sexual relations with other demons, most frequently vampires due to its attraction to the smell of human blood. When it becomes aroused it reverts to a humanlike form as illustrated above. Demons who survive the mating ritual describe the experience as immensely pleasurable and highly erotic.”
Wesley couldn’t help but smile. He hoped Spike knew what he was doing. Judging from his reaction he at least knew what might be in store for him. He put the book aside and reached for the pile of cases stacked on his desk. Try as he might to concentrate on work that evening, he spent most of his time trying to figure out just what those tentacles could do instead.
Re: My first tentacle fic
::sigh::
Even fantasy demon me has more sex.
Sorry...I'm tired and all out of inspiration. I painted my toenails today, for Christ's sake!
There's some other vaguely interesting stuff on the blokes website.
I'll send you much more abstruse smut for Ch6 later - but wish I could do more to help :(
I think I'll trade the gin and olives for Stolly vodka and prawn crackers.
But thinking of you and sending you hugs and wishing I could do more.
I could send you some of my fruits though.