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Paddington fic

It's all curiouswombat's fault for Spike in Bagpuss and calove's for Spike in the Very Hungry Catapillar and Teletubbies, but as I'm a sheep I'll join in.

Here goes my BtVS/Paddington Crossover:

Paddington and the Punks by Bogwitch

On a wild and woolly night, Mr Brown opened the door of 32 Windsor Gardens to a couple of very strange people.

“Hello,” The young man beyond the threshold greeted him politely. “We’re looking for some shelter. Our car has er… broken down.”

“It’s all smashed and there’s no one to fix it,” said the woman that accompanied him.

Mr Brown looked at them sceptically. These two looked like a couple of those punk rockers he’d heard Mr Curry complaining about just the other day.

As he thought over what he was going to do, Mrs Brown appeared at the door. “Let these poor people in, Mr Brown,” she said. “They must be soaking wet out there in all that rain.”

Indeed the young lady at the door looked bedraggled and very unhappy. “Oh yes, please. We are so very hungry.”

“Very well,” Mr Brown grumbled. “Please come in. I shall ask Mrs Bird to put out some tea and cakes.”

“Don’t mind if we do,” the young man said as he escorted his lady inside. Unnoticed by his hosts, who had turned their backs on the couple to led them inside, his eyes shone with an inhuman amber glow and his forehead started to thicken into heavy brows.

“Naughty Spike!” Drusilla whispered, and his change stopped abruptly. “There’s something special about this place.”

After introductions had been made, The Brown’s led the couple through into an elegant reception room. In an armchair sat a small bear, wrapped up warmly in a big blue duffle coat and huge black hat. Mr Brown made his excuses and went to speak to the housekeeper, while Mrs Brown went to fetch some towels to dry their guests.

The bear sniffed and not liking what he smelt, he fixed the couple with a hard stare.

Drusilla approached the bear with curiosity. She poked it with a bony finger. “Spike, this bear wears clothes like Miss Edith does.”

“My name is Paddington,” said Paddington. “You are very rude, if I may say so and I sincerely hope that Miss Edith does wear clothes, because that would be impolite.”

Spike grabbed Drusilla around the middle and pulled her away. He put himself between her and the strange bear. “Dru, be careful.”

“Don’t mind me,” said Paddington, pulling a sandwich from out from under his hat.

Spike watched fascinated as it was consumed within seconds.

"I say," said Paddington. "That is a very black coat. Where do you keep your sandwiches in it?"

“We don’t eat sandwiches.”

“You don’t?” Paddington asked. That sounded very peculiar indeed. “Not even Marmalade ones?”

Drusilla stared up into the stars of memory or some such thing. “Mother used to have Marmalade at breakfast. The spoons were silver.”

Spike nodded in agreement, but he wasn’t really listening to his girlfriend’s rambling. He told Paddington. “We’re vampires. We tend to prefer blood.”

“That doesn’t sound very nice,” Paddington was outraged. Blood? With sandwiches! That would never do. “I shall have to ask Mr Gruber about that when I see him next.”

“You do that,” Spike agreed. This was getting too weird, even for him, and he’d seen some sights in his time. He slipped into game face. “But first I think I’ll try me some bear.” With that he grabbed Paddington by the lapels of his duffle coat and pulled him out of the seat.

“Help! Help!” Paddington cried and he tried to fight back, but he wasn’t a very strong bear and only managed to flail his arms and legs around.

Spike was laughing, but he wasn’t very amused when Paddington’s struggles knocked off the big black hat and a marmalade sandwich landed on his head. It slid down, covering his hair and face in a thick layer of sticky marmalade.

“Arrrgh!” Spike growled and he dropped Paddington, much to the bears’ relief. “It’s in my bloody eye!”

Paddington picked up his hat and slipped it back onto his head. He didn’t like this couple at all. “I think you both should leave.”

“Yeah,” Spike agreed, humiliated and half blind. This house wasn’t any fun. “I think you’re right.”

Spike grabbed Drusilla by the wrist and dragged her back out of the house; they’d try next door instead. Hopefully, there would be no bears there.

Paddington settled back into his armchair. He reached into his suitcase and brought out a spare sandwich. What very rude people vampires could be.


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Oops. I cut the beginning off!

You couldn't even tell, could you?

Aha! The reason why Spike's scared of bears! It all becomes clear!


That was brilliant, but, *sigh*, I miss Paddington.

Thanks. I haven't seen Paddington in a while. I hope I got his voice right.

Ohhh...when Spike said, "You made a bear! Undo it! Undo it!"
::nods in understanding:: I see. ::chortles::

The memory of marmalade is a long one.

Fantastic! It even fits into canon.

Hee! Oh my lord. Marmalade sandwiches save the day!

As they always do. Us girls should take a lesson from that.

Thanks. Sillyness is sunday afternoons.

Hee hee! You wrote a bear! You wrote a bear!

Wonderful! Glad you succumbed, and that you managed to get in the sticky hair of Spike ;)

It was a split decision between marmalade hair or marmalade face. Note how I skillfully managed to squeeze in both. :)

How lovely! Poor Spike bested by a marmalade sandwich though!

I doubt he bragged about this battle much. :D

Oh I love it! My little monster has just growed and growed! Lots of people who like proper and serious fanfic are probably cursing me even as we speak write, because all of you seriously wonderful fanfic writers are sidetracked and not writing what you should be!! I will probably have to make a public apology!!

Hee. I think my regular readers are fully aware of my tendency to tangent by now. I did write Spike/Buffy the Pit Pony once after all. I enjoy the more insane ideas.

Dear, dear Paddington. I loved him all through my childhood. You've really caught the unswerving calm that characterises Paddington.


Paddington is fearless! He did travel unescorted from Darkest Peru after all.

That's a wonderful OTP you've got going on there. Miss G likes a bit of rough, eh? I'd never have guessed

Oh, I quite love Paddington. He's ever so special :) And this was very clever, and very funny, and very Spike n Dru. Well done.
“You don’t?” Paddington asked. That sounded very peculiar indeed. “Not even Marmalade ones?”
Yay! The marmalade!
Should they ever return, he could knock them out with his suitcase?
Ooooh, now I want a paddington bear icon......

I don't know waht it is with me. This I can knock out in an hour, but 2500 words of a WIP chapter takes 2 months of agonising. And then people love the bear more.


It wouldn't be Paddington without the Marmalade, now would it?

That Spike is such a meanie...Glad Paddington's sandwich saved him and the Browns from becoming a vampire's dinner.

(but erm...why would it be impolite for Ms. Edith to wear clothes, in Paddington's opinion?)

Well, you know... Evil.

(Er... that wasn't the greatest line I've ever written, but it's supposed to imply that Dru is surpised that Paddington is wearing clothes, i.e. a toy like Miss Edith. Paddington thinks anyone not wearing clothes would be impolite, and of course, he doesn't know she's a doll.)

Speaker2Customers sent me over to read your story about Spike and the Pit Pony and my eye was drawn to this. I accused him of being the only person who wrote stranger stories than I do and he sent me to you!

I love this. You make the surreal seem so very commonplace.

I still think I'm the only one who has thought up a triangle between Spike, Hellboy, and Miss Piggy, though.


That's quite a threesome, I can't challenge that.

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